Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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