i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
