she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
