I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
