Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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