I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
