we're chasing vodka with high fives
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
