chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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