I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
