need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
