I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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