No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
