LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
