last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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