I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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