Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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