He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
