I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
