I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
