Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
