Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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