I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think I am morally bankrupt
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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