did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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