you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
