He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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