I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
