i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
