he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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