he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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