I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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