Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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