Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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