i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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