my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
