Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Randomize
