Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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