all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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