Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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