Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
