He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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