just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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