Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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