DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
