you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
