just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
