Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
