He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
