Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
