My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
