You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
