Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
