Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize