I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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