you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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