shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
