Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
