i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
