I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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