You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
