hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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