i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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