u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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