Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
