I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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