Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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