Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
