Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
