it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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