well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
