Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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