if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
