we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize