Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
