I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize