He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My ass is underappreciated
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
