no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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