my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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