I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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