i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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