Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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