I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
