Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
