ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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