you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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