i'm signing you up for texting rehab
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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