it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
