How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
