That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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